


set the ocean free

by thesetemplebones



Category: Vikings (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Drabble, Graphic Description, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-16
Updated: 2015-03-16
Packaged: 2018-03-18 05:46:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3558371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thesetemplebones/pseuds/thesetemplebones
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Athelstan sat, his legs dangling off the edge, when before he would have cringed at being near the edge of the cliff.</p>
            </blockquote>





	set the ocean free

**Author's Note:**

> My first story (drabble) for this fandom.

**A** thelstan sat, his legs dangling off the edge; when before he would have cringed at being near the edge of the cliff, he wasn't even flinching now. Sometimes he would grab a rock in his hand, weighing it as if contemplating how much damage it could actually do, before he dropped it and leaned forward, watching as it fell to the bottom.

_Would I just drop to the bottom?_

Sometimes he wondered if the rock shattered into pieces when it hit the bottom.

_Would my body shatter into pieces?_

He could just imagine the mangled mess that would be his body if he were to jump off the edge. He imagined that his head would smash, forcing blood and pieces of brain, to leak out of his ears and nose. His whole skeleton would be broken and if someone moved his body it would be with loose limbs. What a disturbing image to have of one self but Athelstan didn't make himself sick over it.

Usually when he imagined himself going off the cliff, he imagined himself never reaching the bottom and just flying off; like one of Odin's ravens. The pain and constant ache that consumed him would stop.

_A peaceful sleep._

* * *

 

Athelstan felt Ragnar before he saw or heard him. He could always feel him, he was that anchor that had attached itself to the Englishman. Sometimes it annoyed Athelstan, other times he took comfort in the grounding force of the Viking.

“It is early,” Athelstan remained facing forward, “for you to be away from the bed of your wife.”

“It is _your_ bed, I come from,” Ragnar replied.

“ _Oh_?” Athelstan peered over the edge, “I remember sleeping alone last night.”

“I went to your bed this morning,” Ragnar said, “and I found it empty. It is early for _you_ to be away from _your_ bed.”

“I couldn't sleep.”

“And the night before?”

Athelstan sighed, “Sleep has eluded me for some nights.” Without turning he knew that Ragnar scoffed and rolled his eyes at him.

“It wouldn't if I slept with you,” Ragnar said, coming to a stop a few inches behind Athelstan not joining him at the edge of the cliff.

“You can't sleep with me every night,” Athelstan chuckled.

“Why not?”

“Because your _wife_ wouldn't be pleased.”

“I do not care,” Ragnar shrugged.

Athelstan shook his head, “yes, you do.”

Ragnar hissed and scoffed once more. Athelstan glanced over his shoulder to look at him and Ragnar's blue eyes caught his. He stared straight at him, “not the way I care about you, Athelstan.”

Athelstan turned away and looked out over the horizon. He then turned his attention to his hands, once again rubbing at them; some days they ached terribly while other days the pain was a dull throb. He looked back over the edge of the cliff.

“What would you do if I jumped?” Athelstan asked.

“I would grab you and pull you back up,” Ragnar answered immediately.

“And if I slipped from your grasp?”

“Wouldn't happen.”

Athelstan remained silent.

“I would jump after you,” Ragnar's voice a serious quiet.

“You couldn't do that,” Athelstan said.

“I'm King, I will do as I please,” Ragnar argued. “I told you, wherever you go I will follow.”

Athelstan was quiet. He truly did believe that Ragnar would jump after him if he went over the edge. _Was that love?_

He couldn't leave behind his children or Aslaug.

“Athelstan,” Ragnar's voice broke through his thoughts, “come away from the ledge.”

Still he did not move away.

“ _Please_.”

* * *

 

It was the plead in his voice that stirred Athelstan from his spot; making him pull back, _once again_ , from the edge. He dusted off his trousers as he turned and faced the other man. Ragnar was watching him with his eyes of ice, his stare harsh with concern as he took him in. He walked over to him and Ragnar grabbed Athelstan's hands, gently, and brought them to his mouth; leaving a delicate kiss to the scars that laid on his palms.

“Do they pain you today?”

_Yes._

“Not much,” Athelstan answered, “Helga gave me a salve to put on them that should help.”

“You went to her this morning?” Ragnar asked.

Athelstan nodded, “yes.”

“She is a comfort to you,” Ragnar stated rather than asked. Athelstan could hear the slight tone of jealousy mixed into his words.

“Yes,” Athelstan answered honestly before he stepped forward, forcing Ragnar to look at him, “but not in the way you are.”

“You have not been sleeping and you walk around like a dead man,” Ragnar said, “some comfort I am to you.”

Athelstan shook his head, “you have no idea how much you help me, Ragnar. You ground me and keep me here.”

“I'd chain myself to you, if I had to,” Ragnar said, “tell me what troubles you.”

Athelstan shook his head, “it is nothing. Just thoughts.”

“ _It is not nothing_ ,” Ragnar snapped his stare sharp, “you _are not_ nothing, Athelstan.” He leaned his foreword, pressing his forehead against Athelstan's, “you _are_ everything.”

Athelstan felt something move inside of him. As if the black mud that had caked itself onto his heart began to chip away, he could see the surface after feeling like he had been drowning for so long.

“I feel like I do not belong here,” Athelstan said, “anywhere.”

“You belong with me,” Ragnar said, “I belong with you. Do you doubt me?”

“No,” Athelstan shook his head looking at the other man.

Ragnar cupped the back of Athelstan's head, his fingers against the back of his neck, “do not leave me, Athelstan. You will stay here with me.”

“I will,” Athelstan said. _I will._

Athelstan leaned up as Ragnar leaned down and pressed his lips firmly to Athelstan's, as if to affirm everything that he said and to keep Athelstan grounded.

“The Gods can't have you yet,” Ragnar breathed.

Athelstan knew, no matter how many times he went to the edge, Ragnar would always be there to pull him back.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading. I hope you enjoyed.
> 
> -KT xo


End file.
